So many questions, but for the first time I heard my mom bring up abortion. My mom has never believed in abortion, and neither have I but with all these unanswered questions about medical insurance, child care, and all the other expenses that come with raising a child it seemed IMPOSSIBLE. The mistake my mother and I made was that we wanted to figure everything out before we made a decision and it's nearly impossible to do so. So many things have changed since last year and everything has seemed to fallen into place. I wish we would have known that to save ourselves the stress.
There were many days when I was so stressed out, I would beg my mom to just take me and get an abortion and be done with all of this. But she knew I was not in the right state of mind and these were only temporary feelings.
There is one day I will never forget, for some reason I was having a really bad day, Aidan and I had been fighting or something and my emotions were just spinning out of control. I was bawling my eyes out and told my mom I wanted an abortion. I had my first ultrasound later that day and didn't want to see the baby, in fear that it would make me change my mind. But my mom made me go anyways because she knew I really didn't want an abortion. I got to the doctor's office and say in the car and cried like I never have before. I refused to go in the doctor's office like this and didn't want to have to see the baby. My mom went in to talk to Dr. Yang about what was going on and she asked to speak to me. Thankfully I have a truly amazing ob/gyn who has gotten me threw so much in my pregnancy. She decided to not do the ultrasound with my emotions like that but told me that I didn't have to make any decisions then and that I had time. I left her office feeling much better and made the decision to not get an abortion but still unsure of keeping the baby or adoption.
We talked about adoption a lot because everyone seemed to think if I wasn't getting an abortion then of course I was doing adoption. I knew longer then most people that, I didn't want to do adoption, but I didn't tell people for a long time because I didn't know the answer to most of their questions. But farther into my pregnancy I HAD to make a decision because if I was to do adoption plans needed to be made.
I was about 5 months pregnant when we decided that we were going to keep her and that we would figure things out to make it work. I was about 6 months pregnant when I went back to school in August, but still not showing. I hadn't told to many people other than my best friend and family because I wasn't sure what I was doing and it wasn't really any of their business. I wouldn't say I was embarrassed but I just knew that it would be the talk for everyone. I hated that no one would confront me once the word got out, rather asked other people about it, I'm not stupid. But for the people who asked me about things I was really grateful for.
I was about 32 weeks pregnant in the picture to the right.I went in for a check up appointment and to monitor the baby and my contractions and I was having contractions at 32 weeks but I was not feeling them yet. I was also 1 cm dilated. So I was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, and had to come in every week for check-ups and ultrasounds. Being on bed rest for over a month was very hard since I am used to run at least 3 miles everyday, and have played soccer since I was 6. So I had to stop going to school and was on home-bound tutoring for the rest of the semester.
I wasn't due until January 2, and in the first week of December I was dilated 4 cm and still not in active labor. I was put on medications to keep me from dilating anymore and given two sets of steroid shots to help Jenna's immune system mature just in case she was born early. After one doctor's appointment I was sent to the hospital to get a shot that was also supposed to help stop me from going into labor.
Somehow I made it to 36 weeks, which is considered "full-term" and taken off the medication and bed rest. I was so relieved to not have to lay in bed all day, it was driving me crazy! About 5 days was Christmas Eve, and I remember waking up on and off all morning with random sharp pains in my uterus, but they weren't lasting very long and only occurred every few hours so I just went back to sleep. At about 11 a.m. realized I must be in labor! So I decided to take a shower and head back over to my house to let my mom know.
My neighbor is a doula (spelling?) so I had planned to do a natural birth and try and spend most of my labor at home where I would be more relaxed. My doctor was not on-call for Christmas Eve so I was a little disappointed when I knew she wouldn't be delivering Jenna. Coincidentally, my neighbor Kelly actually knew my doctor and had her cell phone number. So Dr. Yang was aware I was in labor and agreed to come in and deliver Jenna!
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| Kelly (doula) and Aidan helping me threw labor. |
Births seldom go as we anticipate and we often find out much later how we could have proceeded differently and had a better experience but that is just how life plays out sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised that your Doula didn't intercede about the epidural and support your initial choice to birth naturally. Women in labour are vulnerable to pressure and need strong support in their decisions at this time.
My mother convinced me to have the epidural while in labour with my son even though she knew I was dead set against it because of the effects on the birth process and babies, and yet she kept insisting on it along with the nurses and I eventually caved (after 48 hours of back labour mind you!). I cannot express how much I regret it and how betrayed I felt for months afterwards. I did not have a Doula to support me though, and I wish I would have hired one and will for the next child.
I am also surprised that 36 weeks is considered full-term where you are, as 38 weeks is considered the minimum requirement before induction typically where I live (Canada). I had a healthy pregnancy myself with little stress in my life mind you, and went full term to almost 42 weeks. The effects of stress on fetuses' gestation is being researched more and are linked to low birth weight and prematurity so it doesn't surprise me that you had issues with going into premature labor. However everything seems to have turned out okay and you have a happy little girl!
You can always research more into different birthing options and prenatal care to avoid some of the issues in your pregnancy and birth for the next child, if you choose to have more. I know I am.
I probably should have been more specific about my Doula. She's been my been my neighbor for years and was not being payed. She thought my mom seemed a little offended that she was helping me threw labor instead of her so she decided to back off because she didn't want the confrontation.
ReplyDeleteI was not very surprised that I went into early labor since I did have a pretty stressful pregnancy, and also the fact that I was only 17 and my doctor told me that most women under 17 go into early labor. I think that 38 weeks is the minimum requirement for induction here as well (Tennessee), but I guess anything under 36 weeks is considered premature.
I didn't realize that in other countries things were different. I'm going to look into that more! For my next pregnancy (in the far future!) I need to stay clear of my mother, she is the main reason I was so stressed out. She is not very good at handling situations, or anything that doesn't go into her cookie cutter life! She means well...but a lot of times goes about things the wrong way.